Women masturbate too!

Female masturbation is taboo, even unknown to some. While some women feel 100% free to engage in it, others don’t dare. Some are proud of it, while others feel insecure about it. There are as many perspectives on female masturbation as there are people who practice it (or don’t). While some women have never noticed or paid attention to the silence surrounding this subject, for others, it has played, plays, or will play a significant role in their relationship with masturbation. 

For this article, 15 women, aged between 20 and 25 and from various countries, have spoken out and answered questions on this topic anonymously. They offer us authentic testimonies that may be a source of comfort or simply a dose of curiosity. Whether they resonate with us to a greater or lesser extent, they have the merit of reminding us that YES, women masturbate too! 

If you already experienced masturbation, at what age did you first discover masturbation, and how did you feel about it at that time?

Around 12-ish? It just felt nice rubbing against objects. I never thought about my body as sexual or other types of sexual pleasure at the time (or other people being involved), purely because of the sensation of orgasm, and I was intrigued by it.

I think I was around 14 when I first started. But up until this year I rarely did it, and I never orgasmed. Always thought it was a shameful thing. Men seemed to talk about it so openly to their friends and on social media, whereas I never saw or heard anything about female masturbation either.

Around 13/14, I thought it was cool with no further thought on how healthy it can be to discover your own body, etc…

I think without knowing it was that, I did masturbated once when I was 10 but it was so innocent... Then I discovered it and really "started“ at around 15 years old, I‘m not sure I really understood everything that was happening but it felt nice + a bit uncomfortable talking about it with other people...

I began when I was a child (the teacher told my mom) and I thought/felt it was bad (realized what it was at 14/15, and that it’s not only for men).

20, I felt ashamed at first, but I got more confident with doing it and also with exploring my body.

I think I was around the age of 11 when I noticed that there was something going on down there. After a while I started experimenting different things, like letting the water of the shower-head touch my clitoris. What felt strange and nice at the same time. Then all of a sudden my legs started shaking and a feeling came over me that was indescribable. Warm, relaxed, but most of all I was very confused about what just happened. Later that time I started using my fingers and explored different eras of my vulva. All of it felt like it was my tiny secret and I didn’t talk about with anyone. I wanted no one to know what i was doing.

I started around 18. I felt okay doing it, but I didn‘t talk much about it with my friends.

At 7 years old and I did not know that it was masturbation.

I started masturbating when I was 15. I used a neck massager for the first time lololololol... I didn‘t entirely know what I was doing, but it felt really good, so I kept doing it. And I got my first vibrator from my mom shortly there after, I was still 15.

I discovered it really early and I think I didn‘t know at that time that I was masturbating... So I would say maybe 11 yo or something like that.

Around the age of 4, in kindergarten. A little girl in our group started it; somehow, she discovered that it felt nice, and we all learned it from her. The result was that during nap time in kindergarten, every girl was doing it at the same time in her own bed. It felt pleasant for me too, and I started doing it at home as well, naturally in front of everyone — in the living room whenever I felt like it. When my mom realized what I was doing, she immediately told me to stop, but I didn’t understand why. What I did learn, though, was that I should only do this in secret, without anyone seeing, even though I didn’t understand why; I just felt guilty about it.

At eleven years old, I wasn‘t questioning myself a lot about it. I think I didn‘t understand exactly that it was masturbation.

Probably around 14 or 15, and I was just curious about my body. I have never watched porn, so I didn‘t have any expectations about it.

What emotions do you typically experience before, during, and after masturbation? Can you describe any specific feelings, as well as the physical sensations you notice in your body during these moments?

Typically before I masturbate I am just really really bored, but I dont masturbate that often. During I either think about men I know fucking me or nothing at all. After I‘ve a few orgasms I feel so fucking good and filled with good endorphines (like I am high or something) and crave cuddles and love.

I usually masturbate either when I’m feeling turned on or sometimes if I’m stressed. It’s a really good stress reliever. The sensations genuinely feel so good, and as someone who started trying masturbating 6 years ago and only just learnt how to orgasm, it is amazing.

Desire before, pleasure during, and the opposite of stress after — very relaxed.

Before masturbation i always feel like "am I really gonna do this?” Not sure and always feeling a bit weird about it, I’m not sure why. Then I will take my satisfyer, and put it on my clitoris, even when I’m not sure about it yet.

Once I feel the physically satisfaction, I put my mind to something that turns me on and try to be in the moment mentally as well. Sometimes that works, but most often it doesn’t… Then my mind goes to thoughts like: "isn’t this gross? What am I even doing? Do I look weird right now??" Those thoughts make it really hard to enjoy any physical pleasure.

Once I won the fights against these thoughts, the physical climax is coming closer. In this moment I really enjoy the physical sensations, my body takes over my brain, and tenses my muscles everywhere in my body. I feel the stress falling off my shoulders and surrender myself to this feeling of relaxation. While I orgasm, I feel physically amazing. All the tension is leaving my body and i feel so relaxed.

The thing is, I can only enjoy this for a few seconds. As soon as I open my eyes again, all the thoughts are coming back and make me feel stressed again. That’s where the mentality and physically pleasures ends for me…

Is being horny an emotion? hahah. Often I do it when I am stressed and I experience relief.

Before: Envy, butterflies in my belly/uterus. During: Rush, don’t think about anything else, happiness, bliss. After: Bliss + tired (want to sleep), my body is "stretched".

I feel like I‘m in need of relaxation or stimulation, then I feel connected to my body through this stimulation and can be really open to it. Afterwards, I feel relieved; it really relaxes me.

That’s quite interesting. I don’t have the most beautiful relation to masturbation I would say.

Before it, I am usually tired, used, or frustrated. During, I feel like I can‘t stop doing it until the orgasm. After, I feel like my day is starting over, like I’m hitting a reset.

Before "doing the deed", I get excited to start. During masturbating, I experience anticipation and pleasure — I feel tingly and increasingly warm. After masturbating, I feel very calm and tired, usually, if it‘s really good. The actual body feelings I have when masturbating are tingly, warm, and it‘s like your clitoris gets harder and pulsates. It feels like a release when you orgasm that you feel in your whole body.

Sometimes I feel an urge to masturbate because I know that afterwards I will feel better, calmer... And now (before I was more ashamed), I feel like masturbation is a time when I can take care of myself, just like a bath and face masks or whatever... My body and my mind are relaxed afterwards, so I feel at peace.

Bah pleasure hahah it feels nice.

My emotions vary. Before, it’s more a desire for myself that comes suddenly or a moment of relaxation. During, I would say that I feel relaxed and in my own bubble. After, I feel sleepy, and sometimes I feel bad or guilty, but I can‘t understand why. The physical sensations vary between tension and relaxation, I would say.

Excitement before and a feeling of relief afterward. Sometimes I feel guilty for using toys and not doing it "naturally". I would describe it as building momentum, reaching a peak that I don’t want to end, and finally relaxation.

The negative feelings are guilt, thinking I shouldn’t be doing this, and fear that someone might hear, walk in, or find out. The positive feelings, however, are of course much more powerful — feeling natural, like arousal and satisfaction during sex.

How often do you masturbate? Are there fluctuations in your practice?

Literally whenever I am home alone and bored (if I am not having sex). If I am having sex, then maybe 1-3 times a month.

I’d say nearly every day, but usually when I’m on my period, I don’t really do it.

Fluctuations, especially with my cycle, so it can go from a few times a week to not at all for multiple weeks.

I feel there are fluctuations because of my pill. I want to masturbate way more when I have my period. There is no certain frequency (it can be one month without, or two times per day…).

It really depends on my cycle. My libido is higher in the first two weeks, so it could be up to three times a week. After ovulation, it’s a lot less.

It really depends on how much stress I have. Stress is a big pleasure killer for me. If I feel the most stressed, I won’t masturbate for weeks. Maybe even months… My mind is really not up for it then. When I’m feeling relaxed and don’t have anything on my mind, I will probably masturbate once or twice a week. In a really good week, it might happen three times, if I’m lucky!

It fluctuates. On average, I would say 2-5 times a week.

It‘s really different — sometimes 3-4 times a week, sometimes 3 weeks with none at all.

During stressful periods (a lot of work) or boring periods, I can masturbate more than once a day. When I am busy and don‘t think about it, I don‘t. Physically, I am holding my breath, and I don‘t know why.

When I‘am stressed, I do it less. If I’m on holiday or in a more joyful and relaxed mood, it can happen more often.

Ummmmm... This might be TMI, but on average, I masturbate about 2 times a day. No, I don‘t really fluctuate the way I masturbate; I do what makes me feel good almost every time. Occasionally, I‘ll switch it up if I‘m feeling extra spicy.

It really depends on my period cycle, I believe. Some months I want to masturbate A LOT, and other months I don‘t feel like doing it. But in general, I would say once a week. I don‘t really know...

It really depends on my menstruation cycle and the mood I’m in, but on average, I would say 3-4 times a week.

It really depends. I don’t have a particular frequency, but I would say 2-3 times a month (I have a partner, so I don’t feel the physical need for it that often because we share moments of intimacy together). When I’m going through a rough time or feeling In general, once a week, but it’s always changing, depending on a lot of factors.

It varies. I would say a few times a month, mainly in the middle of my cycle (around ovulation).

If you had to describe society‘s view on women‘s masturbation, what would you say? How do you think these societal perceptions impact your willingness to discuss or explore this topic?

If girls are open about masturbation, they are considered gross, probably LGBT+ with hairy armpits and a septum piercing, and have no desire for a partner. Very much because I personally want to be an elegant woman, and society doesn‘t allow us to talk about masturbation.

I feel like society‘s view is that it just doesn’t exist at all; nobody really talks about it.

I think society sees a woman who masturbates as gross (this is probably just my thought). I would love to talk openly about it with my friends.

I have the feeling that we (all women) feel ashamed to talk about it because of the thought that it is seen as gross.

Women‘s masturbation used to be a taboo for a long time. I don‘t think it still is, but people still talk about it less frequently than men‘s masturbation, or at least less casually. I would love to talk about it more, as it’s fun and people should talk about it more. At the same time, I feel like there are more resources to support women‘s masturbation nowadays (women-friendly porn, etc.).

I think that there is an inequality between how women‘s masturbation and men‘s masturbation are seen in society. Men around me can freely and proudly speak about it in front of everybody without being afraid of judgment. Women never speak about it because they are afraid of being perceived as horny or dirty. Personally, I don‘t feel comfortable speaking about it in front of my female friends, and in front of guys, it‘s a real taboo. I would say that women‘s masturbation is becoming increasingly open and more visible in the public, but I also don‘t think it‘s talked about as much as men and their masturbation. You can buy vibrators with your online groceries, so it‘s definitely more open than before but still a bit stigmatized. No societal ideas about women‘s masturbation impact my desire to find out more at all because I don‘t really care about what others say about it. I also have friends and my mom who support me, and we talk openly about it, so no.

I think it has changed a lot, but it might be because I’m very feminist and very open about talking about women‘s sexuality and pleasure. I think it also evolves with age. There is definitely a need for conversation in middle school and high school. When you’re a teen, it’s impossible to talk about it when guys don’t stop talking about it.

I think society‘s view is very backwards. Male masturbation is very normalized and thought of as "natural", whereas if a woman masturbates, many people judge it. I think me and my friends are very open about talking about pleasure, which I like.

The view on it is getting better, but it is still not heavily discussed. I have talked about it with a few friends, but not to the same extent as I’ve talked about my sex life. It just doesn’t feel natural to me yet to talk about it, since I personally don’t know if it’s appropriate to talk about it in detail or how to do that.

I feel like people could be disgusted by it, and there are still women who are really judgmental about this topic. Since I’m still not 100% confident with it, that would make me feel weird, maybe even a bit ashamed. So, I wouldn’t really discuss it with a foreigner. I’m more open to talking about it with close friends or partners, but I don’t feel very comfortable discussing it with male friends. It does impact me in some way; I don’t feel a strong need to discuss it with friends. But, spoken for society, it would be nice if there were more discussions about it. Then maybe it would come up more naturally with friends. Also, discussions about the ethics of the porn industry. Still, I think steps are being taken in the right direction.

It’s seen as taboo, dirty… you can feel shameful. (Sometimes I still am, even if I talk freely with my friends.) Mostly, it’s a feeling of dirtiness. 

It’s still taboo even though our generation is trying to break that taboo! With my closest relatives (friends and some family members), I can talk about masturbation, even if I have to push myself a little to talk about it freely... So, in a way, those societal perceptions are making it more difficult than it should be.

If you had asked me 4-5 years ago, I would have said women felt way more ashamed and uncomfortable with assuming their sexuality and self-pleasuring... But I don‘t know if it‘s because of growing older or because society is changing (or maybe both), but women‘s masturbation is, in my opinion, becoming less and less taboo... I think Instagram accounts about female pleasure, interviews, and stuff play a big role in this, and it‘s getting better and better, which is nice! But of course, this is the case in our country and culture, and I don‘t think it‘s the same in some other countries...

It‘s still taboo, but on social media, the conversation about it is becoming more open, and some accounts are friendly and open about it, trying to break those taboos. But in real life, if there are men around, I wouldn’t talk about it because I’d be scared of being judged, and that’s a problem. With my friends, I can talk about it more freely.

Dirty, secretive, shameful. Women, unlike men, can procreate without an orgasm, so I feel like it is seen as a bonus rather than a necessity. Even with female friends, it is almost never a topic. Female sexuality is much more taboo than male sexuality. As a woman, it‘s still somehow embarrassing to admit to sexual desires, even today.

Female sexuality is much more taboo than male sexuality. As a woman, it‘s still somehow embarrassing to admit to sexual desires, even today.

One factor that makes both male and female masturbation taboo is the Christian church, at least in my experience. I went to a religious school for 12 years, where we were taught that masturbation is a sin. This idea is so deeply ingrained in me that, no matter how my views change, I think the feeling of guilt will always be there when I masturbate.

Have you ever experimented with different techniques or approaches to masturbation? What did you learn from those experiences?

Stuffed animals, pillows, shower head water pressure, small vibrators, and the air pressure one haha. I can NEVER figure out how to use my fingers to orgasm, so that is frustrating...

I got my first vibrator in June this year. I had never had an orgasm before; not even my previous sexual partners could get me to that point. It’s taught me a lot about my own body.

Most definitely, and I have grown to an age where I have talked about it with my girlfriends to share experiences haha.

I’ve never tried with dildos, but I want to. I’ve tried some different techniques with my hand, but I always go for the same movement. I feel nothing when I finger myself.

I think, in general, I learned more about my body and what I like/don’t like. Those experiences are also good if you have sex with a partner/other person, because you can communicate better what you enjoy.

The only "technique" I use is "external masturbation". I tried internal with my fingers, but the feeling disgusts me, and it doesn‘t work.

NOOOO, I‘m a boring, vanilla girl, but it works for me, and I don‘t feel the need to change :))

Yes, I’ve tried the traditional way, with the use of sex toys, and also with a partner. I watched porn, both visually and just audio ones, and I was guided through different approaches from the audio porn company, including different forms of breathing, touching, and petting. Personally, I feel more connected to my body and more confident when it comes to sex because I know better what I want, erogenous zones, etc. I also learned that I can’t watch the porn you find on the internet because it’s so unnatural, and the woman is not the focus most of the time. Also, due to the bad conditions they are working in, I listened to audio porn and platforms that provide ethically produced porn.

I experimented a lot, thinking about using my fingers but also different sex toys. But I would say I was the most creative when I didn’t have toys yet, because I was still living with my parents. During that time, I tried a bunch of stuff, like the electric toothbrush — don’t worry, not the part you brush your teeth with, haha. Or putting a vibration app on my smartphone and using that while it was in a plastic bag. I was on the hunt to find something that would bring me an orgasm, as long as I didn’t need to use my fingers. I was a lazy girl, haha. 

What did I learn from all of this? I would say: taking your time and really making it a moment will give you the best orgasms. So, put in the effort, it’s worth it. Instead of using a Satisfyer, for example. (But I’m guilty as well...)

I have. Single masturbation, mutual masturbation, toys, no toys, different body parts, porn, no porn, audio porn, etc. I discovered what I like and what I don’t like.

I have tried different forms of masturbation because it‘s fun to switch things up at times. I’ve learned that by trying different techniques, I can experience new sensations from those positions, and it‘s good to experiment to see what my body can do.

I own a vibrator that I use but also, of course, my fingers. Those different ‚tools‘ helped me understand that sometimes I prefer an internal pleasure, sometimes clitoris stimulation is enough, and sometimes I want both, so I think it helps you know how your body works a little bit better, which is really important!

Yes, I started only using my hand, then moved on to a yoni egg, and finally to electronic devices. I feel like I gravitate towards the devices because they are the fastest way to an orgasm, but sometimes I wish I would take my time exploring my sensuality and lust.

Yes, I tried out more techniques, but only one worked for me, so I stuck with that.

Yes, the traditional way or with the use of sextoy or in couple.

Is there a personal experience (funny or not), comment, or thought you want to share about masturbation?

Maybe that I preferred masturbation to sex with my ex at the end of our relationship because he could never give me an orgasm...

One day with my partner during an intimate moment, he encouraged me to feel free to masturbate in front of him. At first, I was not capable of doing it because my brain was really "blocked" by the fact I could have been judged by him. But he really took time to reassure me and helped me feel comfortable as he started to do it as well and talk to me. So I succeeded in doing it, and it was just a beautiful pleasure moment without taboo and with a lot of love. I can only encourage those kinds of behaviors in a relationship: not judging and offering the opportunity for your partner to share a self-pleasure moment but together. We ended up closer than ever, and my self-confidence got boosted. I also enjoyed seeing that he was proud of me and seeing that his pleasure was amplified because of me.

A thing that comes to my mind once in a while when i meet people is: How do they masturbate and where do they think about while playing with themselves? I’m just so curious hahaha.

My partner thinks mutual masturbation brings partners closer. Even though I am super open about anything, this was and still is very hard for me, even though I believe he might be right.

I was dating this guy once, and he was confused/kinda upset I couldn‘t orgasm, and he told me I couldn‘t because I was addicted to my vibrator lol.

As I started masturbating young without knowing that it was masturbation, I was doing it freely in public spaces (school). Later, when I realized that it was masturbation, I felt really ashamed for having chewed publicly like that when I was a child. Sometimes I am still ashamed even if I know that it was unconscious. I wish someone (an adult) had taken me and explained to me about privacy even when I was young. Maybe if it was less taboo, it would have happened.

I thought the word "masturbation" was only for men until I was 14 or 15 and saw an Instagram post about it. I felt relieved because I thought I was doing something wrong. It says a lot about society...

If I was stuck on a desert island and I could only take one item, it would be my vibrator. Also, my ex made me buy this vibrator less than a week before he broke up with me. So I wish I could thank him for that.

The first time I used a womanizer I was shocked about the intensity of the sensation - it really does not compare to my hand ;)

Masturbation helps me forget about my day and sleep better afterward most of the time.

It‘s so healthy to masturbate from time to time, whatever your gender! It helps you get to know your own body and also teaches people who are involved sexually with you what you like and don‘t like, which contributes to a better relationship with sex in general.

Thank you 

to these women